Obviously, I have some issues.
... but some people in my life have far larger ones.
Tonight, I asked one of my exes to come over for a moment... in my newfound point of view relating to some of the things that have been going on in my life, she had been on my mind. I saw in retrospect just how much I meant to her, and despite the fact that our relationship was mostly filled with bickering and bad attitudes, I honestly felt that she had gotten the short end of the stick, which was pretty gracious of me considering the fact that at one point in time, she actually punched me IN THE BACK while I WAS SLEEPING.
Nonetheless, I pretty much both just realized, and just became able to care, about how badly she was hurt when it all ended.
In fairness, I had told her from day one (nearly a year ago) that I was NOT ready for any sort of relationship.... this was at a point in my life where I was just mostly confused and certainly not in a position to give, or to commit, the way that a person should truly be able to. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but it took me a long while, because of her general demeanor, to realize just how much she cared about me.
The fault that I made was to allow her to continue to get closer to me, and eventually move in, knowing that I wasn't giving as much as I could/should. My fault. I realize that, and it had been weighing on me heavily in light of my current situation.
The crappy thing about it all was that even upon walking in the door, she was accusatory, impatient, and generally just a cold bitch.
I attempted to inform her that I was sorry, and that I just wasn't in a place to commit at that time. I named off sweet things that she did for me, and I attempted to thank her for the (little) patience she showed me throught the ordeal, and I basically told her that she was a lot better to me than she really was, just because I felt sorry for position that I let her get in. The position that I left her in.
Her response was nothing short of infathomable to me.
She replied to my emotional outpouring by continuing to beat the proverbial dead horse and reminding me of every single shortcoming and imperfection regarding my relationship with her. That was followed by the absolutely infathomable accusation that I am incapable of admitting guilt. This of course, underlined that fact that she has probably never listened to a word I've ever said. If I can't admit guilt, then WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING RIGHT NOW?
The ironic part was her following her statement that I am unable to admit when I mess up, by stating that she had never screwed up, had absolutely nothing to apologize for, and was perfect to me.
She then proceeded to trump all that by telling me just how badly I screwed up, and that she felt, without a doubt, that she was "the best I'll ever do." She informed me that I will never again find another girl as attractive, intelligent, mentally stable (!?!?), and educated (humble too, huh?). She once again stated her superiorities over S. I was reminded of the fact that we didn't go out enough, and that I never spent enough money on her. She demanded explanations and apologies for things that happened ages ago. Things that she had (seemingly) forgiven and moved beyond.
FYI- I NEVER cheated.
I finally gave up at my apparently pointless attempt to convey an olive branch because of her attitude. It was the whole reason her ass had to hit the road before..... She got to the point this evening of attempting to say things just to hurt me. She informed me that she had gotten back together with her desperate, alcoholic, violent ex, and that he was treating her rather well. That's great news. You're asking for it, just the same as I was.
She was upset that although I had told her that I was going to Key West, I didn't mention that it was with "S" (who is the girl I was with immediately before her, if you haven't been keeping up). I tried to explain that I figured that she still had some feelings there, and that I was honestly trying not to be hurtful by omitting that fact.
Here's what funny: She got SO mad about the fact that I had been seeing someone from before her, when that's the exact same thing she's doing. She would look me in the eye and tell me that she didn't give a damn about me, while she got so mad and jealous that she was steaming.
At that point it became obvious that I'm not the one with the issues (at least not the MAJOR ones). You don't get so worked up and upset about someone moving on unless you're really still hung up on it. And she would act jealous and hurt and angry all while telling me that she had been over me for a while, and that there would never be anything between us again.... I truly don't care if she accepts my apology or not- I'm fully content knowing that I tried to say that I'm sorry.
But WHY? Why even try to lie and say it doesn't bother you when you're sitting there in your next breath threatening to kill my other ex?
I can understand her being a bit stand-offish.... hell, it's honestly kind of expected. But in between telling me that I don't matter to her at all anymore, she was snooping through my stuff for signs that "another girl has been here." At that point, I offered her to look through my phone, which she did without hesitation. And of course, what she saw made her even madder. She kept asking over and over if I'd been with anyone else, if I was talking to anyone else, etc, and accusing me of being with people that I've never been with.
It's absolutely incredible how some people can be so non-sensical at times. All I wanted to do was to make an apology, and perhaps try to mend some ties that had been broken. I ended up being chewed out for my lack of ability to apologize, among other things.
I didn't HAVE to apologize in the first place. I wanted to. And the funny thing is that she left my house more worked up about the whole thing than I was.
Is there something that I'm just not getting here?
Self-preservation is the downfall of many. Pride is the downfall of even more. The combination of the two creates some raging lunatics.
-t
Tonight, I asked one of my exes to come over for a moment... in my newfound point of view relating to some of the things that have been going on in my life, she had been on my mind. I saw in retrospect just how much I meant to her, and despite the fact that our relationship was mostly filled with bickering and bad attitudes, I honestly felt that she had gotten the short end of the stick, which was pretty gracious of me considering the fact that at one point in time, she actually punched me IN THE BACK while I WAS SLEEPING.
Nonetheless, I pretty much both just realized, and just became able to care, about how badly she was hurt when it all ended.
In fairness, I had told her from day one (nearly a year ago) that I was NOT ready for any sort of relationship.... this was at a point in my life where I was just mostly confused and certainly not in a position to give, or to commit, the way that a person should truly be able to. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but it took me a long while, because of her general demeanor, to realize just how much she cared about me.
The fault that I made was to allow her to continue to get closer to me, and eventually move in, knowing that I wasn't giving as much as I could/should. My fault. I realize that, and it had been weighing on me heavily in light of my current situation.
The crappy thing about it all was that even upon walking in the door, she was accusatory, impatient, and generally just a cold bitch.
I attempted to inform her that I was sorry, and that I just wasn't in a place to commit at that time. I named off sweet things that she did for me, and I attempted to thank her for the (little) patience she showed me throught the ordeal, and I basically told her that she was a lot better to me than she really was, just because I felt sorry for position that I let her get in. The position that I left her in.
Her response was nothing short of infathomable to me.
She replied to my emotional outpouring by continuing to beat the proverbial dead horse and reminding me of every single shortcoming and imperfection regarding my relationship with her. That was followed by the absolutely infathomable accusation that I am incapable of admitting guilt. This of course, underlined that fact that she has probably never listened to a word I've ever said. If I can't admit guilt, then WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING RIGHT NOW?
The ironic part was her following her statement that I am unable to admit when I mess up, by stating that she had never screwed up, had absolutely nothing to apologize for, and was perfect to me.
She then proceeded to trump all that by telling me just how badly I screwed up, and that she felt, without a doubt, that she was "the best I'll ever do." She informed me that I will never again find another girl as attractive, intelligent, mentally stable (!?!?), and educated (humble too, huh?). She once again stated her superiorities over S. I was reminded of the fact that we didn't go out enough, and that I never spent enough money on her. She demanded explanations and apologies for things that happened ages ago. Things that she had (seemingly) forgiven and moved beyond.
FYI- I NEVER cheated.
I finally gave up at my apparently pointless attempt to convey an olive branch because of her attitude. It was the whole reason her ass had to hit the road before..... She got to the point this evening of attempting to say things just to hurt me. She informed me that she had gotten back together with her desperate, alcoholic, violent ex, and that he was treating her rather well. That's great news. You're asking for it, just the same as I was.
She was upset that although I had told her that I was going to Key West, I didn't mention that it was with "S" (who is the girl I was with immediately before her, if you haven't been keeping up). I tried to explain that I figured that she still had some feelings there, and that I was honestly trying not to be hurtful by omitting that fact.
Here's what funny: She got SO mad about the fact that I had been seeing someone from before her, when that's the exact same thing she's doing. She would look me in the eye and tell me that she didn't give a damn about me, while she got so mad and jealous that she was steaming.
At that point it became obvious that I'm not the one with the issues (at least not the MAJOR ones). You don't get so worked up and upset about someone moving on unless you're really still hung up on it. And she would act jealous and hurt and angry all while telling me that she had been over me for a while, and that there would never be anything between us again.... I truly don't care if she accepts my apology or not- I'm fully content knowing that I tried to say that I'm sorry.
But WHY? Why even try to lie and say it doesn't bother you when you're sitting there in your next breath threatening to kill my other ex?
I can understand her being a bit stand-offish.... hell, it's honestly kind of expected. But in between telling me that I don't matter to her at all anymore, she was snooping through my stuff for signs that "another girl has been here." At that point, I offered her to look through my phone, which she did without hesitation. And of course, what she saw made her even madder. She kept asking over and over if I'd been with anyone else, if I was talking to anyone else, etc, and accusing me of being with people that I've never been with.
It's absolutely incredible how some people can be so non-sensical at times. All I wanted to do was to make an apology, and perhaps try to mend some ties that had been broken. I ended up being chewed out for my lack of ability to apologize, among other things.
I didn't HAVE to apologize in the first place. I wanted to. And the funny thing is that she left my house more worked up about the whole thing than I was.
Is there something that I'm just not getting here?
Self-preservation is the downfall of many. Pride is the downfall of even more. The combination of the two creates some raging lunatics.
-t
posted by tjayswift at 1:39 AM
3 Comments:
"The combination creates....."
ha.
Well said.
See this is why I don't talk to my ex. Reading this reminds me a lot of the situation I was in over a year ago. Except that my boyfriend never let me move in. I was unhappy and bitchy to him and I've appologized to him for all of that. He and I don't speak. I'm pretty sure that he's with someone else. I like to look at our relationship in a positive light. I think everything happens for a reason.
His wife had just left him for his best friend 2 months before in the key of Jerry Springer. And, I really didn't realize that when I met him. Needless to say he was a little fucked up. I think I served the purpose of the rebound and then some. I just have to tell myself and think that I was put in that situation for a reason and that I wouldn't have been put in that situation if I couldn't handle it.
Basically, the relationship taught me to slow things down. To not move so fast. And...BIG AND...not date guys that have just been left by their wives for their best friends. At least I can laugh about it and rationalize it in my head. I'm crazy like that and I've just written a blog length comment for you and we don't even properly know each other. That's how I roll.
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