Regina
.. is the name of my new gold-top. Isn't she just gorgeous??
I had an ephiphany a moment ago- drivers in LA just suck. At least in New York, people are only in a hurry. If you screw up as a pedestrian, you'll probably just get honked at and possibly cursed.
Here in SoCal, people are just way too busy on the phone, putting on makeup, posing, or whatever to actually pay attention to what the hell is going on...
Thus, with me being the make-a-difference kind of saint that I am- I have set out with a goal in mind that will not only teach those dim-witted drivers a lesson, but also possibly save some lives... Yes, I have formulated a plan that will benefit all mankind, as well as make me some spending money for my troubles....
I have set out to get runover while here in LA. It can't hurt THAT bad, right? Plus, I'm kinda impervious to physical discomfort when personal gain is involved.
I will fight tooth and nail to be the person closest to oncoming traffic at every intersection. I will fearlessly begin crossing the INSTANT my little walky-man lights up on the other side, fully realizing that I may not make it there without contusions and abrasions. I will step lively into harm's way in hopes of catching a taste of the shimmery grill on that new Mercedes.
And here's the genius part- I promise that the instant I hit the pavement, I will pop right back up with a contract in one hand and a pen in the other... "Sir, would you mind signing here, here, and here? Initial here and here, we're going to need your social security number and insurance policy number here, and your back account, credit card info, and car keys, one more signature here, and we're on our way... "
They'll never know what hit 'em. I promise I won't get hurt too bad- I'll be totally expecting it, so I can make a dramatic, Mary Lou Retton-inspired double backflip, one and a half twist pike triple lutz over the hood and onto the pavement. And it will be the stuff of legend.
Infact, that reminds me- the X-Games are going on here this weekend, in the Staples Center parking lot. This ramp is HUGE. I know I just said I want to get hit by a car, but anyone who jumps a skateboard off of that ramp is just fucking CRAZY.
Oh, did I mention how bad-ass the weather is here? I know we just had some bad storms at home. So here's a picture of sunshine, pretty flowers, and a palm tree. Eat your hearts out, bitches...
Evidently George Lucas is doing the keynote speech at this event- so there's lots memoribilia. I tried to fly this piece of shit, but R2D2 wouldn't let me.
And at the end of my fantastic work day today, I smashed the shit of my thumb AGAIN.
I knew I shouldn't have had that second bottle of wine at lunch...
-t
I had an ephiphany a moment ago- drivers in LA just suck. At least in New York, people are only in a hurry. If you screw up as a pedestrian, you'll probably just get honked at and possibly cursed.
Here in SoCal, people are just way too busy on the phone, putting on makeup, posing, or whatever to actually pay attention to what the hell is going on...
Thus, with me being the make-a-difference kind of saint that I am- I have set out with a goal in mind that will not only teach those dim-witted drivers a lesson, but also possibly save some lives... Yes, I have formulated a plan that will benefit all mankind, as well as make me some spending money for my troubles....
I have set out to get runover while here in LA. It can't hurt THAT bad, right? Plus, I'm kinda impervious to physical discomfort when personal gain is involved.
I will fight tooth and nail to be the person closest to oncoming traffic at every intersection. I will fearlessly begin crossing the INSTANT my little walky-man lights up on the other side, fully realizing that I may not make it there without contusions and abrasions. I will step lively into harm's way in hopes of catching a taste of the shimmery grill on that new Mercedes.
And here's the genius part- I promise that the instant I hit the pavement, I will pop right back up with a contract in one hand and a pen in the other... "Sir, would you mind signing here, here, and here? Initial here and here, we're going to need your social security number and insurance policy number here, and your back account, credit card info, and car keys, one more signature here, and we're on our way... "
They'll never know what hit 'em. I promise I won't get hurt too bad- I'll be totally expecting it, so I can make a dramatic, Mary Lou Retton-inspired double backflip, one and a half twist pike triple lutz over the hood and onto the pavement. And it will be the stuff of legend.
Infact, that reminds me- the X-Games are going on here this weekend, in the Staples Center parking lot. This ramp is HUGE. I know I just said I want to get hit by a car, but anyone who jumps a skateboard off of that ramp is just fucking CRAZY.
Oh, did I mention how bad-ass the weather is here? I know we just had some bad storms at home. So here's a picture of sunshine, pretty flowers, and a palm tree. Eat your hearts out, bitches...
Evidently George Lucas is doing the keynote speech at this event- so there's lots memoribilia. I tried to fly this piece of shit, but R2D2 wouldn't let me.
And at the end of my fantastic work day today, I smashed the shit of my thumb AGAIN.
I knew I shouldn't have had that second bottle of wine at lunch...
-t
posted by tjayswift at 3:03 AM
2 Comments:
My frivolous comments are as follows:
1. Ooo, goldy goodness!
2. do it, Do It, DO IT!
3. R2D2 held you back?!? Pansy.
Hmm, thanks for the title suggestion but I fancy Alison Krauss a little more that Mr. Daniels. Although, I AM just lookin' for a soul to steal...too bad you're exempt.
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