a more up to date update.

stang_cherohala
Originally uploaded by tjayswift.

Is my hair really getting that long? wow.

So.... on a more personal level- In L.A., I worked a lot. And it wasn't the normal smoooth as silk kinda event for me- lots of political junk to wade through. The event still happened just fine, and I held it all together, but it wasn't without its tense moments... Then I flew on up to Cupertino for some meetings, where I found out that my job will be changing slightly over the next couple of months- but I think it is going to be a positive change for me.... I'll disclose the complete details of the "change" as soon as I make my decision known within the company- gotta be careful, you know...

As soon as I got home and finished with the work I had to do there, I headed back on up to S's place- and I know you're all wondering.....

We drove back down to Lexington on Friday night, hung out and stayed the night with some of her friends, and then headed the rest of the way back down the TN to run a couple of errands on Saturday. Then back up to Lex for a party with the aforementioned friends (and you guys and girls were all awesome), before heading back up to her place on Sunday.

The short answer for the nosy among you- no, there is still no resolution. Trust me, I'm more anxious than you are about it. Really- trust me.

Today I went for a drive to rouse up some (now) bittersweet memories.... you may remember the post back in June about the fantastic motorcycle rides I had with my new companion- I decided to revisit all of those spots, and re-live the overwhelming memories that correspond. Yes, I know that's not the smartest thing for me to do right now, but those are the places that I always go when I need some thinking time. It just happened to hit really close to home today.

It looked like the water was kinda high above the dam at the Overlook, so perhaps the mist you see is from the spilling on the lower side. Sorry, but I didn't feel like walking the mile and a half in 30 degree weather to investigate.



Have I ever mentioned just how much I LOVE this road? These curves could go on forever, and I wouldn't care a bit... the scenery is soooo much different in the winter-



The Cheoah (the dam from the movie "The Fugitive") was gorgeous today- it's an amazing sight.



..... aaaaaaand- here's the point where I nearly lost it. For personal reasons, of course.



I won't say that some tears weren't shed between there and the Cherohala, but as soon as I got up over 4000 feet, all focus had to be directed toward the road... it was really beautiful, though.



Here's a neat barren shot from the lower end of the NC side...



So.... for a little rant- when you love someone- you REALLY love someone- how much is too much? What is the point where you say enough is enough? I always thought the answer was "when you're compromising yourself, and what you believe in, then that's the time to cut bait." But the problem here is that I'm just not sure what that is anymore- it's been so long, and I've stuck around based on faith and love through so much, that I'm unsure of where I draw the line anymore....

I've sworn to do anything within my power to make it work, and I truly meant that. But how long do I keep giving and having to be strong and wait while I keep getting hurt and pushed away? I do understand the reasons, and I do believe that they are justifiable, but... it just doesn't feel fair at all anymore. I'm soooo tired of dealing with this, tired of crying and being alone- and I wouldn't still have the faith that I have now if this hadn't been the most wonderful thing I've ever felt from the beginning...

I've always trusted my gut before- and it's honestly NEVER been wrong- but I just don't hear it anymore. It's completely silent. Maybe a little space and heartache will be good for me... maybe I'll find the truth soon.


-t