dammit. (the introduction to the resolution)
This will be long. It will be ugly, sweaty and labored. It will be rambling, and probably lacking in proper grammatical structure and informational flow. And it may not even be readable.
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Sometimes I think I've really lost it this time...
Why the fuck is it that even though I continually treat romantic partners like gawd-damn angels, I continually get shit all over? I'm really, honestly, completely over it, ladies and gentlemen.
... And EVERY time someone cheats on me or otherwise stabs me in the back, I hear the same words- "There is someone out there who deserves you, but not me." What in the hell is that about? My point is- fuck whether or not you think you deserve to be honored and cherished like a queen- I want YOU. Not the next person who comes along... YOU. YOU make me feel like the most important person on earth, and I merely do the same for you in return. It's give and take--- it always has been, and it always will be... no matter who you are with, or who I am with. Until you believe that you deserve someone who treats you well, you're doomed to be treated like shit. Because you will continue to push the good ones away. And I do understand that that's your fault, and not mine, but...
Yes, I know that I give my fragile little heart away much too easily. And the sad thing is the fact that it is so encouraged by the heartbreakers.... but at least I'm man enough to realize that that's just the way I am, and to be more careful about who I fall for and how fast I fall... and I HAVE been.
That's the problem. No more hack-ass dropouts, no more trust-fund materialistic bitches, no more reformed slutty whores, no more selfish former Miss Teen USAs (yes, I have) or L.A. bred models, just good old girl-next-door, wholesome, simple ladies who (appear to) have their heads on straight.
So, if I'm being soooo careful and picky about who I fall for, then how in theee hell do they all turn out to be man-eaters?? It's like they're all out for fucking blood these days. How do these professional, respectable women who appear to have it all together turn out to be so screwed up and heartless? Are all guys just total assholes to women anymore? I swear that I'm having the transgressions and shortcomings of other people held over my head, and that pisses me off.
I do understand and accept the fact that I’m not without fault or vice- and we can discuss those in detail anytime- but they all seem so minor compared to the things I’ve had to deal with from my girlfriends….
I'm a good, honest guy. Ask anyone who has ever met me. I'm a perfect gentleman- and not just to the girls who I go out with- to my Momma, to random little old ladies, to bums, to obnoxious children, to everyone. And this is why I'm pissed.
Now I do know that I'm no Brad Pitt- but c'mon, I'm reasonably attractive, right? I treat people well, I'm knowledgeable, intelligent, and well-traveled, I have a great job, my own house, and I'm well-groomed. I have plenty of drive and ambition. I open doors. I have a tough, manly side (riding motorcycles, wrenching, swilling bourbon), and I have a soft, sensitive side (singing, songwriting, hopeless romantic, etc, etc.). I'm funny and outgoing. I have thick skin incase you like to make fun sometimes, too. I get along with everyone- I've never had any of my girlfriends' parents not like me. I can talk hotrods, BBQ, and football with your Dad, and talk flowers, wine, and jazz with your Mom.
I try *really* hard to make things work. I always try to talk out any issues immediately, and to be polite and gentle when I need to bring up something that's less than pleasant. I never yell. Ever. I rarely even raise my voice. I am one of the most patient and encouraging people around. I'm good at listening, consoling, and cuddling. My Momma raised me right, and taught me to always treat a lady like a lady.
So what gives?
And before anyone asks- no, there is nothing wrong with or small about my penis, and yes, I do have some game.
I'll expound more on the most recent "shit-on-tjayfest" later. But my point (yes, dammit, I DO have one) is this- Does god just hate me? Why do I always pick the fucked-up ones when I think I'm picking the perfect ones? I really don't deserve to be treated like shit forever. I've never had a problem meeting girls (at all), but the problem is that I seem to attract the ones who stay perfect for a few months, things get serious, and then I find out that they're psycho-serial killers or something similar.
Anyone who knows my history will tell you that there may not be another man my age on earth with worse luck with women. And I'm honestly just dying to figure out where the problem lies- is it me?? Is there something about me treating them too well or being too nice? Is it just the woment that I'm naturally drawn to? Are there warning signs that I’m missing? Or is all hope lost?
Maybe there are no real answers…. Maybe the only answer is to hold my head high knowing that I did all I could, and move forward, unscathed. To not be afraid to love and to give so selflessly again….
I’ve always had a certain faith… not in anything in particular, just in fate, I guess- and I have always believed that my day will come- that one day I will be rewarded in some way for the way I have lived, and the hurt I have dealt with. I don’t feel it as much right now, but I know that it will all come back to me soon.
Goodnight.
-t
------------------------------------------
Sometimes I think I've really lost it this time...
Why the fuck is it that even though I continually treat romantic partners like gawd-damn angels, I continually get shit all over? I'm really, honestly, completely over it, ladies and gentlemen.
... And EVERY time someone cheats on me or otherwise stabs me in the back, I hear the same words- "There is someone out there who deserves you, but not me." What in the hell is that about? My point is- fuck whether or not you think you deserve to be honored and cherished like a queen- I want YOU. Not the next person who comes along... YOU. YOU make me feel like the most important person on earth, and I merely do the same for you in return. It's give and take--- it always has been, and it always will be... no matter who you are with, or who I am with. Until you believe that you deserve someone who treats you well, you're doomed to be treated like shit. Because you will continue to push the good ones away. And I do understand that that's your fault, and not mine, but...
Yes, I know that I give my fragile little heart away much too easily. And the sad thing is the fact that it is so encouraged by the heartbreakers.... but at least I'm man enough to realize that that's just the way I am, and to be more careful about who I fall for and how fast I fall... and I HAVE been.
That's the problem. No more hack-ass dropouts, no more trust-fund materialistic bitches, no more reformed slutty whores, no more selfish former Miss Teen USAs (yes, I have) or L.A. bred models, just good old girl-next-door, wholesome, simple ladies who (appear to) have their heads on straight.
So, if I'm being soooo careful and picky about who I fall for, then how in theee hell do they all turn out to be man-eaters?? It's like they're all out for fucking blood these days. How do these professional, respectable women who appear to have it all together turn out to be so screwed up and heartless? Are all guys just total assholes to women anymore? I swear that I'm having the transgressions and shortcomings of other people held over my head, and that pisses me off.
I do understand and accept the fact that I’m not without fault or vice- and we can discuss those in detail anytime- but they all seem so minor compared to the things I’ve had to deal with from my girlfriends….
I'm a good, honest guy. Ask anyone who has ever met me. I'm a perfect gentleman- and not just to the girls who I go out with- to my Momma, to random little old ladies, to bums, to obnoxious children, to everyone. And this is why I'm pissed.
Now I do know that I'm no Brad Pitt- but c'mon, I'm reasonably attractive, right? I treat people well, I'm knowledgeable, intelligent, and well-traveled, I have a great job, my own house, and I'm well-groomed. I have plenty of drive and ambition. I open doors. I have a tough, manly side (riding motorcycles, wrenching, swilling bourbon), and I have a soft, sensitive side (singing, songwriting, hopeless romantic, etc, etc.). I'm funny and outgoing. I have thick skin incase you like to make fun sometimes, too. I get along with everyone- I've never had any of my girlfriends' parents not like me. I can talk hotrods, BBQ, and football with your Dad, and talk flowers, wine, and jazz with your Mom.
I try *really* hard to make things work. I always try to talk out any issues immediately, and to be polite and gentle when I need to bring up something that's less than pleasant. I never yell. Ever. I rarely even raise my voice. I am one of the most patient and encouraging people around. I'm good at listening, consoling, and cuddling. My Momma raised me right, and taught me to always treat a lady like a lady.
So what gives?
And before anyone asks- no, there is nothing wrong with or small about my penis, and yes, I do have some game.
I'll expound more on the most recent "shit-on-tjayfest" later. But my point (yes, dammit, I DO have one) is this- Does god just hate me? Why do I always pick the fucked-up ones when I think I'm picking the perfect ones? I really don't deserve to be treated like shit forever. I've never had a problem meeting girls (at all), but the problem is that I seem to attract the ones who stay perfect for a few months, things get serious, and then I find out that they're psycho-serial killers or something similar.
Anyone who knows my history will tell you that there may not be another man my age on earth with worse luck with women. And I'm honestly just dying to figure out where the problem lies- is it me?? Is there something about me treating them too well or being too nice? Is it just the woment that I'm naturally drawn to? Are there warning signs that I’m missing? Or is all hope lost?
Maybe there are no real answers…. Maybe the only answer is to hold my head high knowing that I did all I could, and move forward, unscathed. To not be afraid to love and to give so selflessly again….
I’ve always had a certain faith… not in anything in particular, just in fate, I guess- and I have always believed that my day will come- that one day I will be rewarded in some way for the way I have lived, and the hurt I have dealt with. I don’t feel it as much right now, but I know that it will all come back to me soon.
Goodnight.
-t
posted by tjayswift at 8:27 AM
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