Dear S......
I know that I shouldn't feel the way I do right now- but I miss you.
I'm having trouble seeing the fatal flaws that everyone tries to point out to me about you. I feel so much compassion, and I still feel the need to try and save you. I know that ultimately you can't be helped until you decide to help yourself, but that doesn't change my will.
The thing that hurts me the most is seeing someone that I love so much doing something that they are so uneasy about.... I can hear it in your voice when I talk to you- you're still scared, and feeling like you're making the wrong decision. You're afraid that you've put me through too much for things to ever be the same.
And maybe they couldn't ever be. But I was willing to try. I was willing to give it everything I had and more, because I always believed in you. I always had faith that you would do the right thing and follow your heart in the end.... and I know that you think that you're doing the right thing right now- but time will tell the truth. And it's that simple.
If you just don't feel that way about me, then fine. I can deal with that. If you'd rather be with someone else- fine. I can deal with that, too. But hearing the quiver in your voice and feeling the hesitation that eminates from your being, I worry about you. I worry that you knew as soon as you said the words that you weren't being true to yourself. I worry that fear and guilt are keeping you from making the decision that you really want to.
I worry that I've been your strength, and your backbone thus far, and that you're now crumbling and stumbling under the pressure of it all. I worry that you'll live every day of your life in regret of a few short moments.....
Earlier tonight, I was blaming myself for the conclusion of it all. I felt that I pushed you away. I beat myself up over the way I acted the last time we were together. I felt selfish for wanting you to address my feelings when you were at your wits end. But I still realized that none of it was my doing- that I shouldn't have to suffer for your fuck-ups.
But that's true love. All other things aside, I stood up for the way I felt about you. I only wish that you could have done the same for me.
I always believed in you.
T.
I'm having trouble seeing the fatal flaws that everyone tries to point out to me about you. I feel so much compassion, and I still feel the need to try and save you. I know that ultimately you can't be helped until you decide to help yourself, but that doesn't change my will.
The thing that hurts me the most is seeing someone that I love so much doing something that they are so uneasy about.... I can hear it in your voice when I talk to you- you're still scared, and feeling like you're making the wrong decision. You're afraid that you've put me through too much for things to ever be the same.
And maybe they couldn't ever be. But I was willing to try. I was willing to give it everything I had and more, because I always believed in you. I always had faith that you would do the right thing and follow your heart in the end.... and I know that you think that you're doing the right thing right now- but time will tell the truth. And it's that simple.
If you just don't feel that way about me, then fine. I can deal with that. If you'd rather be with someone else- fine. I can deal with that, too. But hearing the quiver in your voice and feeling the hesitation that eminates from your being, I worry about you. I worry that you knew as soon as you said the words that you weren't being true to yourself. I worry that fear and guilt are keeping you from making the decision that you really want to.
I worry that I've been your strength, and your backbone thus far, and that you're now crumbling and stumbling under the pressure of it all. I worry that you'll live every day of your life in regret of a few short moments.....
Earlier tonight, I was blaming myself for the conclusion of it all. I felt that I pushed you away. I beat myself up over the way I acted the last time we were together. I felt selfish for wanting you to address my feelings when you were at your wits end. But I still realized that none of it was my doing- that I shouldn't have to suffer for your fuck-ups.
But that's true love. All other things aside, I stood up for the way I felt about you. I only wish that you could have done the same for me.
I always believed in you.
T.
posted by tjayswift at 8:14 AM
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